It may sound a little cliche, but communication is definately one of the keys to a strong and happy marriage. Today I just want to highlight a few areas that I think are essential to discuss with your spouse; they are not in any order of importance.
* DIVISION OF LABOUR:
By this I mean discussing your role within your household. Will you or your husband head off to work? If hubby works, will you need to work too or will you remain a stay at home mum? If both of you work, how will the household chores be divided?What about other responsibilities like paying bills, homework, weekend sports, yard work etc..... Each should 'pull their own weight' and you both should work out what that means for your own marriage.
You should also include leisure time and time out in this discussion. Hubby and I try to make sure that every now and then we get some time out from the children/chores etc. It's important to have family time, time with your spouse (without the children) but also just time by yourself to re-energise.
* FINANCES:
So many couples argue about money. Deciding early in your relationship how money will "work" for you is really wise. Will you keep separate accounts and have specific things to budget for or will you combine incomes/expenses? Personally I think if you're going to marry someone your finances should be combined and money decisions made together, if you can't trust your spouse with money perhaps there are deeper issues that need to be dealt with?
I think it's wise to work out a budget together that you both commit to. Include things in your budget like saving for the future as well as your immediate expenses. You should trust your spouse to be a good steward with your money (and vice versa) with day to day needs/expenses but I think bigger purchases should be a joint decision.
* CHILD REARING:
For some of us, our childhoods were very different to that of our spouse and we will come into our marriages with different ideas as to how our own children should be raised. It's important to be a 'united front' when parenting so here are some areas to discuss/agree on: boundaries, discipline, your parenting purpose, homework, schooling, sports, curfews,boyfriends/girlfriends etc. Think of and discuss as many different child rearing issues as you can! Pray for you children together and spend quality time together as a family. Do not undermine each others authority in front of your children, if you disagree with a decision your spouse has made, quietly discuss it later.
* SEX/INTIMACY:
Some couples avoid this issue but I think it should be open for discussion. God created sex FOR marriage and He designed it to be GOOD. How often, what you like/dislike, new ideas, keeping it interesting etc are all things you can discuss. Sex shouldn't be a chore and it should just get better the longer you are married not the opposite. This is an area that I'll spend more time on next week! I have some challenges for you then too ;)
* THE FUTURE:
Maybe you don't have a 5 year plan or anything as 'organised' as that - I know we don't - but we have a general idea of what we want from life and what we'll be doing for the next few years. We share our personal dreams/goals with each other and plan a few things for the year ahead ie. holidays, larger purchases if needed.....
* PROBLEMS:
I promised to be with my husband forever, you probably did too! Marriage isn't always easy though and sometimes there are rocky patches and storms to weather. It is so important to seek the solutions of your problems together. I think working out your problems is far easier if you are already good at communication and willing to talk things through together.
My hubby and I find that we need to re-asses and discuss these issues fairly regularly, some more often than others. Being 'on the same page' and making decisions together is so important. The Bible says that when you marry '2 become one' and we try to live this as much as we can. Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh." Genesis 2:24. Of course we have our own interests and goals but with the really important stuff we aim to be absolutely ONE.
Are there any other areas I've forgotten?
May your marriages be blessed,
* DIVISION OF LABOUR:
By this I mean discussing your role within your household. Will you or your husband head off to work? If hubby works, will you need to work too or will you remain a stay at home mum? If both of you work, how will the household chores be divided?What about other responsibilities like paying bills, homework, weekend sports, yard work etc..... Each should 'pull their own weight' and you both should work out what that means for your own marriage.
You should also include leisure time and time out in this discussion. Hubby and I try to make sure that every now and then we get some time out from the children/chores etc. It's important to have family time, time with your spouse (without the children) but also just time by yourself to re-energise.
* FINANCES:
So many couples argue about money. Deciding early in your relationship how money will "work" for you is really wise. Will you keep separate accounts and have specific things to budget for or will you combine incomes/expenses? Personally I think if you're going to marry someone your finances should be combined and money decisions made together, if you can't trust your spouse with money perhaps there are deeper issues that need to be dealt with?
I think it's wise to work out a budget together that you both commit to. Include things in your budget like saving for the future as well as your immediate expenses. You should trust your spouse to be a good steward with your money (and vice versa) with day to day needs/expenses but I think bigger purchases should be a joint decision.
* CHILD REARING:
For some of us, our childhoods were very different to that of our spouse and we will come into our marriages with different ideas as to how our own children should be raised. It's important to be a 'united front' when parenting so here are some areas to discuss/agree on: boundaries, discipline, your parenting purpose, homework, schooling, sports, curfews,boyfriends/girlfriends etc. Think of and discuss as many different child rearing issues as you can! Pray for you children together and spend quality time together as a family. Do not undermine each others authority in front of your children, if you disagree with a decision your spouse has made, quietly discuss it later.
* SEX/INTIMACY:
Some couples avoid this issue but I think it should be open for discussion. God created sex FOR marriage and He designed it to be GOOD. How often, what you like/dislike, new ideas, keeping it interesting etc are all things you can discuss. Sex shouldn't be a chore and it should just get better the longer you are married not the opposite. This is an area that I'll spend more time on next week! I have some challenges for you then too ;)
* THE FUTURE:
Maybe you don't have a 5 year plan or anything as 'organised' as that - I know we don't - but we have a general idea of what we want from life and what we'll be doing for the next few years. We share our personal dreams/goals with each other and plan a few things for the year ahead ie. holidays, larger purchases if needed.....
* PROBLEMS:
I promised to be with my husband forever, you probably did too! Marriage isn't always easy though and sometimes there are rocky patches and storms to weather. It is so important to seek the solutions of your problems together. I think working out your problems is far easier if you are already good at communication and willing to talk things through together.
My hubby and I find that we need to re-asses and discuss these issues fairly regularly, some more often than others. Being 'on the same page' and making decisions together is so important. The Bible says that when you marry '2 become one' and we try to live this as much as we can. Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh." Genesis 2:24. Of course we have our own interests and goals but with the really important stuff we aim to be absolutely ONE.
Are there any other areas I've forgotten?
May your marriages be blessed,
Great post Narelle, I enjoyed reading it.
Hi Narelle, just read your article which was very interesting. Just wanted to add that with the finances side of things, my husband and I have both a separate account, and a joint account. This way, our weekly pays go into our separate accounts and a set amount goes from there into the joint account. From the joint account, mortgage is paid, bills and insurance, and if there's any left over we might treat ourselves by going out or takeaway etc. The money left in our separate accounts is ours to use as we will. (For me this is usually make-up, maybe a lotto ticket or buying lunches at work.) I think this works well as this gives each person some of the money they have earned to spend as they want, while still contributing most of their pay towards the joint account which is there is for our life with each other.